Winning
Daily Meditation #397–3/29/2023
Living things are built for survival.
To fight or to flee.
Even the jumpiest of doves will peck and scratch like mad if caught.
But, in modern society where we face few threats to our lives, the attitude to turn and fight no longer serves us well.
Your friend insists you are lazy and overweight. You fly to your defense with words of vengeance.
Your siblings are unhappy you voted for so-and-so. You stop calling them because you can’t help arguing with them.
Your spouse berates you because, once again, you missed the hamper, leaving your dirty socks on the floor. You, in turn, slight them for a shortcoming of their own.
Each of these little petty reprisals from you whittle away at quality, loving relationship much like a steady stream of water carves away at river stones.
Can’t you see it?
Aren’t you listening?
Or, are you so flawless that you are above their reproach?
They love you.
Love isn’t always pretty.
Sometimes, those who love you most have to cut your tumors away to save the rest of you — and the scalpel is their honesty.
When those you love and love you back tell you these honest things, before sharpening your tongue to spar with them, ask yourself:
What is most important?
Being right? Winning?
Or being happy?
Because you can “be right” and “win” arguments all the way to a very lonely grave.
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These are distillations from my coming book “YouDaimonia: the Ancient Philosophy of Human Flourishing.”
