The Truth about “Self-Care”

This is an excerpt from my forthcoming book, “YouDaimonia: the Ancient Philosophy of Human Flourishing.” Be sure to follow for more of these as well as daily meditations.

Slothfulness has co-opted the phrase “self-care” and twisted it into excuses to not get things done, eat poorly, ignore responsibilities and reduce self-accountability.

Over the years the phrase has become less about awareness of your current general state of affairs — finances, physical wellness, career satisfaction, relationship/sex life, cleanliness, diet, purpose in life and so one — and is now more of an excuse to have no goals or direction in all the most important parts of your life.

“Oh man — I’m wiped out after work again. I’m just going to make a frozen pizza for dinner,” for the third time this week and then label chilling on the couch as “self-care.”

“Ouch. The ingrown toenail is hurting today, so I’m going to totally forgo all exercise,” instead of maybe just modifying your workout. It’s “self-care.”

“My spouse said something that I perceived as a sleight, so I need some time alone,” again, just like last night, with a bottle of booze … instead of sitting down and discussing things like adults. Self-care.

Self-care isn’t always about soft, cushy approaches like a spa day.

Having a bad day and then saying you deserve something like an unhealthy meal or a full evening of video games seems, behaviorally, like a poor choice — you are reinforcing that a bad day equals a reward. Sometimes you just have a bad day — which is in and of itself a perceptual problem we will discuss in a later chapter.

Occasionally we need to step in, recognize we are not taking our lives in the direction we want for ourselves — which is okay for short periods. We should talk with ourselves in a stern but respectful manner and adjust the rudder of our life to steer us back on course.

Willfully ignoring the fact we are off-course for any extended period of time is not okay.

This is abdicating responsibility.

Avoiding opportunity.

Not being accountable to who you are, your purpose in life, and your success is not just a betrayal of oneself, it’s arguably an affront to society as a whole.

Sometimes self-care is telling yourself you are not living up to your own expectations and kicking yourself in the ass.

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