Sometimes, It *Is* You…

Daily Meditation #376–3/7/2023

We can’t make someone hire us, date us, or like us. Suing them, slandering them, or dragging them only proves them right about you.

We are equipped to protect our ego like a porcupine is equipped to protect their tender belly.

“They didn’t hire me because I’m an effeminate man and they’re discriminating.”
“They didn’t want to date me because I’m fat and they’re a chauvinist swine.”
“They just couldn’t handle my vibes — they were too tightly wound.”

We will do nearly anything to scapegoat out reasons why people don’t like us, won’t date us, won’t work with us, or why they, well, do anything we perceive as negative towards us.

And it’s a protective, reflexive measure. We really can’t help it.

But, sometimes it really is just us.

Maybe we had a smell.
Maybe we didn’t put our best foot forward.
Perhaps we presented ourselves as arrogant.
How about we talked about “I, I, I” too much?
They were concerned about dating someone too different from them.
Our attitude didn’t match the work culture.

Etc.
Etc.
Etc…

Sometimes it’s just US.

But that’s okay.

No amount of lawsuits, namecalling, or shaming will make someone actually like us.

Just like telling on someone on the playground for “them not letting us play with them,” it does us as individuals no good! It only makes us feel badly and like a victim.

Instead, let’s reframe these as opportunities for self-reflection!

We can always find another job to apply for.
There will always be someone else to try to date.
Sometimes, different “vibes” are good.

We can also take time to learn more skills to be better hires.
We can “work on ourselves” at the gym and the library to become outwardly more attractive and inwardly more interesting (capable of more conversations).
We can spend time understanding why those people were “tightly wound.”

We cannot make others treat us any better.
But we can treat ourselves better. We can improve our perception to only “be harmed if we choose to be harmed.”

Sometimes it’s us.
And that’s fine.

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These are distillations from my coming book “YouDaimonia: the Ancient Philosophy of Human Flourishing.”