Passions

Daily Meditation 574–9/22/2023

Today I read a short story about a couple.
The man enjoyed collecting and painting minifigures, having spent a reasonably substantial sum on them over his decades collecting.
The woman admitted to not understanding why he enjoyed them, stating she felt they were juvenile, expensive, and then deciding to throw them in the garbage.

The first thought:

They’re both right and both wrong.

There’s a fundamental miscommunication and (mis)perception problem occurring, here.

She is probably somewhat right about it being a little childish and that he possibly spends too much on his hobby.

He absolutely enjoys his hobby (hence years and years of spending, collecting, and painting) and almost certainly enjoyed his relationship.

He perceives them as “of value” and worth his time and money.
She perceives them “not of value” and not worth so much time or so much money.

She obviously should have had a deep, heartfelt conversation with him (or a great many conversations) without a negative tone to them…

But moreso, the lesson today:

We need to seek to understand that which those we love are most passionate about.

As parents we almost certainly do this with our children's often bizarre “passions” like dinosaurs, grasshoppers, astronauts, fire fighters, etc. We get them books on the subjects, ask them questions, help them research the topics, watch shows and movies centered on them…

And so too should we make similar efforts with our relationships.

Now, this is not to say we must condone every behavior of every friend or our spouse. Some “passions” are probably too dark for some of us to withstand deep diving into but we cannot discard those people nor that which they enjoy, regardless of how mind-bogglingly disturbing it may be to us.

If that which brings them joy harms no one else nor robs others of their joy, then, we cannot dictate to them what is “good for them.”

And sometimes, this might me we break off that relationship — for some of us, it’s their hand-painted figurines they’ve spent $10,000s on…
For others, it’s the discovery of a spouse’s of friend’s BDSM “passion.”

We cannot control others, but we also cannot force ourselves into tolerance of that which we perceive as a fundamental and persistent sin (or “sin”).

So — in closing:

Seek to understand your loved ones’ passions. Sure, you might waste hours and never truly “get it” as they do…
But it might mean the world to them…And maybe you do end up “getting it,” and you both are enriched.

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These are distillations from my coming book “YouDaimonia: the Ancient Philosophy of Human Flourishing.”