Dew
Daily Meditation #179–8/20/2022
In the cool, damp of the morning as you walk the trails or streets, you can hear the dripping of water droplets from the trees.
It may not’ve rained, but the moisture in the air has gathered onto every surface, including the trees.
Slowly, the invisibly fine mist on their twigs and leaves begin to condense. First into small webs and then into dewdrops.
Eventually, their own gravity wins, and the dew drips from the trees.
Being upset about things with other people is much like the morning dew.
The encrusted oatmeal bowl, unrinsed in the sink…
The socks on the ground right next to the hamper…
The beard clippings on top of the sink…
Them failing to notice you dressed up a bit for them…
Again, and again, and again.
These little things gather on your existence like a fine mist, adding very little weight in their individual occurrences, but gradually adding up.
Time passes and before you know it, that “mist” of grievances condenses upon you into a subtle — or perhaps overt — resentment.
Passive aggressions bubble up to the surface. Though not venomous, they still have a corrosive effect.
Eventually, you explode.
The “dew drops” of anger have gained enough gravity and begin dripping off of you…
And your spouse has their own little droplets condensing…yours fall onto them and theirs are disturbed to fall as well.
You love each other.
You are, in most respects, each others’ best friend.
So talk about things.
Ask them for their attention so they know it’s important. Be gentle and precise — surgical — in your words. Tell them that it bothers you when they act in certain ways.
Don’t attack them. No swords or spears are needed.
Just help them to understand. But also seek to understand them, too.
They may have a stress they’re clinging to. They might be too distracted to have noticed they missed the hamper or didn’t clean up all their shavings.
Be understanding of their situation, empathize with their sufferings.
But help them, too, to understand they must be accountable. That they can be better — they deserve to be better and you, their counterpart, deserve them that way, as well.
If there is something tremendous — a major injury, the death of a loved one — this is certainly different. But, they still must know they need to be eventually dusted off (maybe helped in the dusting off) and reclaim their former self, as much as they are able.
Don’t let the dew gather overmuch onto you.
Though the small things may not matter — one here, one there, spread over the days — on their own, they will add up and erode you.
So talk.
Follow for daily philosophical meditations.
These are distillations from my coming book “YouDaimonia: the Ancient Philosophy of Human Flourishing.”
